My "Epistle" to Hurting Friends and Family at Christmastime

          To My Friends and Family that are

               “Hurting For the Holidays”

12/20/2013

Dear Friends and Family,

It is my intent in this letter to express to you all two very important statements…the first is that “I know that you are ‘Hurting for the Holidays’” and the second is that “I care about your pain.”

While I know much that has befallen you over the years, I am even more keenly aware of it this time of year, in particular, during the days surrounding Christmas.  I know that along with Christmas carols, festive packages, and seasonal radio and television programming, along with church activities and shopping adventures, there also comes a great deal of sadness for many of you.

For some of you, there is the painful new reality that someone (or more than one) that you love with your whole heart will not be able to smile at you this Christmas, won’t be there to give you a hug, and will not be there to share with you those same old stories you’ve heard year after year.  That precious someone, in some cases, went home to be with Jesus this past year or in recent years.  In other situations, that loved one now has obligations out of state or out of the country that will keep them from your side.  Perhaps a change in family status will put them at another table this holiday.  No matter the reason, your heart aches for the way it used to be.

Many of you face a difficult Christmas due to an isolating illness.  The abundant energy you once had has now been drained.  Where you could once move about pain free, there are now limits.  The excitement of the Christmas hustle and bustle is now replaced by dread.  Some of you are healthy yourselves, but have a family member that struggles with extreme poor health.  No matter the condition, or who has it, your heart aches for the way it used to be.

In the continuing wake of the “Great Recession” many family and friends struggle financially. Jobs that were once secure vanished overnight.  Businesses that once thrived, fizzled out.  Nest eggs that once sat proudly in the bank were spent for survival.  Where Christmases past always featured a tree surrounded by a bounty of gifts, more recent Christmases have replaced presents with disappointment and discouragement.  No matter where or why the money went, your heart aches for the way it used to be.

For a variety of reasons, many of you find yourself in the midst of a painful, seemly unrelenting trial.  Perhaps a previously obedient child is now following a troubling path.  Maybe you have had to move due to altered circumstances into a new home, a new neighborhood, and near new neighbors.  For others, a recent change in a relationship status brings pain…a disagreement with a friend or family member has broken fellowship and their absence has left a void in your life.  Sometimes there is no one particular situation that has caused your holiday blues, but rather a more general nostalgia for the past.  No matter the cause of your discontent, your heart aches for the way it used to be.

For me, this Christmas season has been bittersweet so far.  In just three days it will have been a year since my own father left us to go home to be with his Father in heaven.  Because he passed away just two days before Christmas, it will be forever difficult for myself and my family to separate his earthly death from all the familiar holiday sights, smells, and sounds.  Daddy bravely battled a cancerous brain tumor for many years.  Thinking back over my forty-five years, I am grateful to God to have had my father in my life as long as I did.  No matter, though, how long I did have him before he went away, my heart aches for the way it used to be.

It is in our nature to look about at the life experiences of others and measure our circumstance by their example.  The results of our findings, though, are rarely satisfying.  It is bewildering to try to understand how we have fallen on hard times when others appear to go unscathed.  We long to know how we could have avoided our misfortune, as they have done. After all, if it were always a case of 5-3=2, we would hold onto 5 by not doing whatever it was that cost us 3!  What we find instead is this, while we are sometimes in the midst of a trial of our own doing, (or undoing) that is NOT always the case.  In Beth Moore’s “Get Out of That Pit” teaching, she reminds us that we may find ourselves in a “pit” (difficult situation) due to #1 Something that we did, or # 2 Something that someone did TO us, or #3 No one’s “fault.”

Often we seek the input of others.  Dependent on how carefully we select our counsel, we can come away from the experience with a mixed bag of warranted advice, comfort, and/or condemnation.  We must carefully and prayerfully chose those to which we share our deepest concerns.  Too often, well-meaning friends and family will offer “insight” into how we found our way into the throes of a trial of our making when in reality we are experiencing a test not of our own creation.  The guilt that can come as a result exposing ourselves and our family to the “blame game” often prevents us from seeking input in the future.  When sharing your pain with others, select those that you can trust to give you sound, Godly advice when needed, strength in the face of persecution, and comfort in situations where the genesis of our trouble is not as clearly seen.

No matter WHAT the source, no matter what the reason, if you are hurting over the holidays, it is adversely affecting your life.  It is most likely also affecting the lives of those closest to you.  Without a doubt, today’s pain has made you all nostalgic for the carefree days of the past.

Many of us are hurting these days.  Are we the first to hurt on this level?  Are the trials that we face unique to our generation?  No, of course not.  The Bible is filled with stories of men, women, and children….rich and poor…that have already faced very similar (if not the exact same) situations themselves.  Rachel struggled for years to have a child.  At the Pool of Bethesda a man was burdened with a crippled body.  Ruth lost three sons and her husband.  Hosea had an unfaithful wife. The list of those that suffered then as we do today goes on and on.

It is difficult to think of suffering in the Bible without thinking of Job.  Job, who was so blameless that even God Himself mentioned his name as an example of righteousness.  The devil, with God’s permission, sought to prove that Job would turn on God during the midst trials.  At no fault of his own, Job was subjected, by satan, to a series of horrifying trials that adversely affected him in nearly every aspect of his existence.  Job was devastated.  He sat in rent clothes and dust and bemoaned his lot.  Never once, though, did he blame His God for what satan had done to him.  It is clear by all that is attributed to Job that his heart ached for the way his life used to be.

Job 3:  24-26

i.    “For sighing has become my daily food;

my groans pour out like water.

²⁵ What I feared has come upon me;

what I dreaded has happened to me.

²⁶ I have no peace, no quietness;

I have no rest, but only turmoil.”

I mention again, though, that Job sat.  He was careful not to blame God, but he also didn’t get up and do anything to rise above his situation.  But, understandably so.  In his place it is doubtful that any of us could have functioned even as well as he did.  Let us think a moment, though, of another person in the Bible that faced a series of trials that were not of his doing….a person that didn’t sit, but rather kept going honorably despite his circumstance:  Joseph.

Joseph, as you will recall, angered his brothers and piqued their jealousy by being father’s favorite and for being too young and naïve to sense to their feelings.  As a result of their distaste for Joseph, they tossed him into a pit and sold him into slavery.  Worse than that for Joseph was the knowledge that he was betrayed by those he would have previously claimed loved him.  At no fault of his own, he lost his home, his little brother, his possessions, his freedom, and decades of time with his beloved father. As if all of the events of his teen years were not bad enough, the years that followed found him imprisoned though he was guilty of no crime.  I wonder how many nights sweet Joseph slept on the ground in coarse clothing, his heart aching for the way things used to be.

(Joseph’s trials begin.)

Genesis 39 Now Joseph had been taken down to Egypt. Potiphar, an Egyptian who was one of Pharaoh’s officials, the captain of the guard, bought him from the Ishmaelites who had taken him there.

² The Lord was with Joseph so that he prospered, and he lived in the house of his Egyptian master. ³ When his master saw that the Lord was with him and that the Lord gave him success in everything he did, ⁴ Joseph found favor in his eyes and became his attendant. Potiphar put him in charge of his household, and he entrusted to his care everything he owned. ⁵ From the time he put him in charge of his household and of all that he owned, the Lord blessed the household of the Egyptian because of Joseph. The blessing of the Lord was on everything Potiphar had, both in the house and in the field. ⁶ So Potiphar left everything he had in Joseph’s care; with Joseph in charge, he did not concern himself with anything except the food he ate.

(Joseph’s trials continue.)

²⁰ Joseph’s master took him and put him in prison, the place where the king’s prisoners were confined.

But while Joseph was there in the prison, ²¹ the Lord was with him; he showed him kindness and granted him favor in the eyes of the prison warden. ²² So the warden put Joseph in charge of all those held in the prison, and he was made responsible for all that was done there. ²³ The warden paid no attention to anything under Joseph’s care, because the Lord was with Joseph and gave him success in whatever he did.

Had Joseph decided to give up and give into his pain…had he become bitter and without purpose, who could have blamed him.  But, that isn’t the account we are given.  Instead, no matter what happened to Joseph, no matter whose fault it was that he was hurting, Joseph rose above despair and DID something with his life to benefit himself and others by allowing God to work through him.

In Job’s situation, he justifiably groaned in pain.  Because he was careful not to accuse God, he was blessed for his faithfulness.  I can learn a great deal about not allowing myself to lash out and blame God in my pain from Job’s example.  But, it is in Joseph’s that I feel I can create a game plan for what to do to make the most of where I find myself instead of ripping my clothing and sitting in dust.  Those actions will not help me, nor benefit anyone else.  It is my hope that many of my friends and family can become inspired by Joseph as well.

While it is not going to be easy, many of us that are “Hurting for the Holidays” still have something of value we can share with others.  Some of you are living with once robust health that has been replaced in recent years with severe illness and disability.  It has brought a smile to my face hearing that you spend many hours each week making phone calls and writing letters to encourage others in pain.  You have made the most of your circumstance by helping your sisters and brothers in distress.

To those of you that I have watched deal with very sick children, please know that every effort you make for that child is noticed.  Oh, how I admire your strength!  You haven’t had a minute’s rest!  Even exhausted, you smile and make every moment as good as you can for your child…for your family.  I know it cannot be easy, but those around you marvel at how you handle each day…. How you treasure each second.  We care about what you are going through and notice how you squeeze the essence out of every good day to make the most of it for your child. You have a tough situation….yet, you are making the very best of it.

My friends and family that have been drug over briars in this recession:  I know your pain all too well.  Your fears echo in my mind.  The nights you have lost to concern about your future, you have not been alone.  I applaud you for your tenacity.  I have watched you as you have used your time and limited funds wisely.  I know the enormous effort you put in to the job application process and countless interviews…the days you also spent in volunteering in school and in church. I know, too, of your losses…possessions that had to be “thrown off the ship” in order to stay afloat.  It wasn’t easy, I know, to have to hit “restart”, but you did so with no complaint. I took note that in most cases, what you lost in material goods, you more than gained in spiritual and emotional treasures.  Your efforts, your conscious decision not to fall apart but to begin again, are to be commended.

Marriages and various family bonds have been strained in recent years, too.  Many of you reached out to pray and to ask for prayer.  Your choice not to give up…not to just walk away…but rather to let the wounded emotions slowly heal as you await God’s timing for a reconciliation is a testament to your character and to your ability to humble yourself before the Lord.  I have watched, too, you reach out to others in similar circumstance with dinner invitations, encouraging cards, and shoulders to lean on.  Your insistence on keeping it together for yourself, while benefiting others is inspiring.

We read of Joseph, how he took each seemingly bad circumstance and served the people about him with honor, in a Godly manner.  Because of his efforts, he was blessed and those affected by him were benefited.  I have seen many Josephs over the past few years.  When I thought your burdens would take you to the ground, you stood, gave thanks to God, put a smile on your face, rolled up your sleeves, and cared for someone else’s needs.  Truly the best way to ease the fire of our pain is to smother it with the blanket we are using comfort others.  I have seen this with you.

For my friends and family that are not quite ready to lift from the dust of despair.  Please, please do not think what you are experiencing is too horrible, too complete, too overwhelming to permit you to overcome it.  Think of those before you that have been able to find healing in the days, weeks, years following a series of especially difficult trials:  Corrie Ten Boon, Darlene Keebler Rose, Nick Vujicic, Horatio Spafford, and many more.  As quoted in The Edge, “What one man can do, another can do.”  With God’s help, you too can have hope for a better future.

I have said ALL of the above, to say this once again…..  “I know that you are ‘Hurting for the Holidays’” and “I care that you are in pain.”  God is giving, and will continue to give you the strength you need to get through your trials.  Your acceptance of the offer of His hand and your offer of an outstretched hand to others is a glorious thing to behold.

I wish you a Merry Christmas and a 2014 full of blessings from the Lord and a time of rest and healing.  May we all find more pleasure in the days God has given us, and have fewer longings for “the way it used to be.”

With Love,

Marlene

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.